Candysaurus

THE ANONYMITY OF POOP

There are just some things that your sponsor and the Big Book never adequately prepare you for.  One example is What do you do when somebody shits themselves at a meeting?  Some things you just have to live through and learn from the experience yourself.  I’m grateful for the chance at this particular growth.

My table ended early last night so I stuck around talking with A and R.  We were waiting for the other two tables to finish up.  When they did, people walked past us to exit.  At that point, I noticed a distinctive odor.  My assumption was that somebody simply farted.  Farted badly.  As I hoped for the smell to dissipate, R said That guy shit himself.  I didn’t think he was being literal, just commenting on how bad it smelled.  No, that dude actually shit himself, says R as he points at the guy standing with his back facing us right outside the church front doors made of glass.  

R: It’s running down his leg. 

Me: What do we do?

A: What do you mean, what do we do? Nothing.

Me: Shouldn’t we alert him?  Isn’t that the right thing to do?

R: He has to know.  He’s walking funny.

Me: If he knows, why is he faced away from us so we can get a good look?

R: Something’s going on with him.

A: Maybe he’s drunk.

S walks up and sits down with us at our table.

S: It smells like somebody shit themselves.

R: Somebody did.  That guy out there.

S: Ohmygod.

Me: Ok, but what is the right thing to do.  This is like a challenge.

S: Where was he sitting?  I don’t want to sit in that chair ever.

A: Over there.

We all look at the table A points at. 

Me: Hey guys, is that shit on the floor?

R: Fuck.

Me: Who is going to clean it up?  Besides me.

S: I’m calling my sponsor.  I need to pray about this.

Me: I’m going outside.  I can’t look at this shit anymore.

Now we all move outside and discuss how disgusting this all is while P stepped up and marched over to the rehab next door to borrow a mop and bucket.  S walks off a little to talk with her sponsor on the phone.

Me: I think the guy knew he was shitting himself.  He was standing around awkwardly in the beginning until somebody offered him a seat.  The spot he was standing in is where the shit landed.

R:  So you saw it.

Me: No! I just noticed him.  I did not watch him shit.  I was unaware it was happening.  This is a challenge.  I feel resentment toward that guy for shitting and just leaving it.  

S: My sponsor says we need to clean it up.  Maybe we should make an inventory.

A: Or make an announcement in the beginning of the meeting requesting people not to shit on the floor.

R: That’s going to call that guy out specifically.  Anonymity will be compromised.

A: What? The anonymity of poop?

Me: Ha.  I like that - the anonymity of poop.  That’s funny.  This is all pretty funny.  

P shows back up and he, with R, cleans up the mess.  Thankfully.

It was all pretty funny, but every time we laughed, I felt a tiny bit bad.  I was hoping to do the next right thing, but I don’t even know if it’s best to tell a guy he’s got poop running down his leg or not.  What I do know is that in all situations, I will refuse to clean up shit whether it is in the library or in a church.


  1. aperez posted this